Year and a Day Journal #43: August 26th, 2016

As the people who consistently read this blog know, I just finished living in a foreign country for almost eleven months.  Coming back was actually easier than I thought it was going to be, probably because, while the city I was temporarily living in did come to feel like my home, I have lived in my US city for my entire life, and you can’t replace it.  So coming home felt like coming to another familiar place.  Then, shortly after I came home, I got engaged, and got a part-time job, and things have been just flying around at the speed of light.  And maybe I never really got a chance to feel loss.

Now, though, I’ve been away from my foreign country and my foreign friends for a month and a half, and it’s starting to feel difficult.  I’ve been trying to keep in contact with them, but I’ll never carve out as much time here as I spent with them there.  I saw some of my friends maybe three or four times a week when I was there, and here I’m lucky if I get to call or text them once a week.

So, therein lies the question I’d like to pose today: How does loss impact your path?  How can you make it something constructive? 

I wish that loss was one of those things that made people really motivated to do stuff, but as I recall BBC’s Sherlock saying in A Study in Pink, sadness is a paralytic (therefore ruling out that the cabbie would kill people because he was also dying, but that’s neither here nor there).  So certainly for me, I’ve noticed that while I’ve been home, I haven’t done much with my path.  I’ve been trying to write on this blog, certainly, but my practice has dropped off sharply.  That probably has many reasons (one of them being that I’m now living in the same house with my mother, brother, and two long-term house guests) but who’s to say one of them isn’t that I’m kind of sad about leaving my friends behind?  I mean, they even made a video for me that had interviews with all of them, and pictures and videos, and it made me cry in the airport.  Now I’m trying to make a video compilation of my experience there, and it’s not helping me cope either.

So on to the more important question of the two: how can you make it something constructive?  Short of making an inevitably creepy shrine for my friends and burning incense for them or something, I have just one idea.  Rather than think about how the loss of friends affects my practice, I should think about how having those friends affected my practice.  And it should be a motivator for me to stay in contact with them (because I am the worst at keeping in touch with people).

I know it’s not very much for today, and perhaps not very much insight for any of you, but I’ve definitely got a lot on my plate (as you can probably tell).  Thank you to everyone who does read this blog.  (You rock.)

 

Blessed be!

)O(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Year and a Day Journal #34: April 26, 2016

I’m currently job-hunting.  I know that my job in this foreign country is only going to be relevant a little longer, and once June is up, so is my job stability.  Thankfully, they love me over here, so they’ve basically said that I could come back whenever I wanted, but I’ve got a lot of stuff to do in the States and I can’t bail on those responsibilities to go on prancing around in a foreign country, sniffing the foreign flowers and learning a foreign language.

*Sigh*  Such is life.

It’s times when I am job-hunting that I truly begin to think about my abilities and talents.  I see qualifications for certain jobs and I can’t help but think, “Dang.  Why can’t I do that?”  Sometimes it’s not so cut and dry; for example, I can’t just will into existence five years of experience in a certain field (although sometimes employers seem to be under the impression that us unemployed folks can indeed perform such miracles).  But I sometimes think, Why don’t I know how to use that program?  Why can’t I work better with children?  Why didn’t I get ESL certified?

The nice thing about working on a resume, however, is that I do get to actually think about the skills that I do have.  For example (I’m thinking to myself at this very moment), I am an excellent typist.  I can do 120 wpm if I’m really booking it, and I rarely have mistakes.  I also possess some pretty stellar spelling and grammar, which probably stems from a childhood of reading and writing for hours on end, plus this year I’m spending teaching English as a foreign language.  Nothing makes you understand a concept quite like pretending you know everything about it.

So, for this journal entry, I’m working with a prompt that’s kind of an extension of yesterday’s prompt: How do your talents and skills play into your Craft?  How have they influenced your path?

Yesterday, of course, I talked about music, so if you’re interested in that topic, you can just keep scrolling down.  But today I’ll try to touch on some other skills that I have.  If it sounds like I’m getting a big head, just remember that I’m job-hunting and I have to be able to pitch myself like a pro.  Also it’s my blog, so….

  1. Writing.  It seems like the sensible skill to start with, seeing as this whole blog wouldn’t exist if I didn’t sincerely enjoy writing.  Writing is really at the core of my Craft, because I usually focus my thoughts on spirituality through writing, as you can all see here.  In addition to this blog, I keep a hand-written journal.  It’s not exactly a Book of Shadows, per se, but an actual journal that I’ve kept for awhile.  It has regular, everyday entries in it, but as my life has gotten progressively Witchier, so have the journal entries.  Recently, I’ve taken to bringing my journal with me into my ritual space.  I’ll light the candles and then contemplate my ritual.  I’ll write down my thoughts in my journal, along with my intention for the ritual, and any incantations or things I do in the process.  Then I’ll actually do the ritual, and make some post-ritual notes.  It’s turned out to be a great focusing project.  I’m sure that this idea will eventually turn into a BoS at some point, but right now it’s just a way of focusing my thoughts.  Writing is really at the center of my Craft; more than that, however, it has entirely shaped my path.  For example, if I hadn’t become completely obsessed with fantasy stories, I never would have thought twice about wanting to be a witch, and then I probably would never have thought twice about wanting to be a Witch.  Reading has always had a great draw for me, and more than that, emulating the kinds of fantastic things that I read, in my own writing.  I’ve always wanted to be the next J.K. Rowling (as ridiculous as that sounds these days, because nobody can compare to Queen Jo), and somehow, despite the fact that I’ve started literally hundreds of different stories, I always come back to fantasy.  Nothing gets me as excited as the idea of magic, and I suppose that eventually turned into a fascination with magick.
  2. Dance.  Now, I’m not exactly a phenomenal dancer.  I danced basically from the beginning of my schooling until I graduated from high school, and then picked up less formal dance in college (such as Zumba), and I consider it to be something that I’m not too awful at.  But the great thing about dance is that it entirely engages your body in something that is utterly unique to you.  Nobody dances in exactly the same way, nobody reacts the exact same way to music, and giving dance as an offering to the Universe is a beautiful and visual experience.  So far I haven’t used dance much in ritual because I don’t have a lot of space, but recognizing dance as something that could be a part of ritual has opened me up the idea that, really, physical movement of any kind can be something sacred to myself and to the Universe.  Walking down the street, feeling my heartbeat in my chest–these things are spiritual experiences.
  3. Art.  My artistic ability is kind of like my dance ability–it’s always been something I’ve done for fun, though I don’t think I would get any critical acclaim for it.  That being said, making art for spiritual purposes or for ritual is, like anything else, not something that is going to be judged by others.  I think there is something highly sacred in creating, and whether that is an arts n’ crafts style project or a classically-done painting doesn’t really matter.  It can be really helpful to get out the paintbrushes and glue when it comes to making your tools or decorations for your altar or for different sabbats.  After all, many of us are Witches on a budget, and while it’s great to support your local metaphysical bookshop or local artist, sometimes it’s just better to make your own representation of the Goddess for your altar, rather than drop $50 on something you saw on Etsy (though there’s nothing wrong with doing that, either, if you have the money).  Sometimes, making your own things is the best way to forge a real connection between you and an item or decoration.
  4. Being a good friend.  This one is not exactly a skill, though I think it can be challenging for some.  I wanted to put this idea in here because I recently did some off-the-cuff spellwork that really revolved around one of my good friends.  Last weekend, Oriole (whose code name we’ve seen before on this blog) and I were out walking in the main part of town, running some errands.  She tripped pretty badly earlier on in the day, almost hurting herself.  While we were out walking, she tripped again, quite hard, and less than thirty seconds later, she tripped a third time.  Of course, because she didn’t get hurt, it was pretty funny, and we were of course laughing our butts off.  But in reality, I was getting a bit concerned.  It wasn’t like Oriole to be particularly clumsy, and she already faces quite a few health problems that could definitely be aggravated if she took a tumble.  So, while we were in a shop waiting to be helped by the shop assistant, I grounded myself and set an intention to keep her safe and healthy.  I know that it seems like a strange spell, but I just filled the nearest thing to her–her backpack–with positive energy, and hoped it would keep her safe.  Of course, I don’t know for sure if it was just a coincidence, but she didn’t trip or stumble any more for the rest of the day, even though we got a bit tipsy at a restaurant.  I know there is some controversy over casting spells on your friends who are unaware that you practice Witchcraft, or could be against the idea of having a spell cast on them, but I do know Oriole pretty well and she is someone who would kind of shrug and say, “Alright then, cool.”

Well, it’s gotten pretty late and I’m pretty exhausted, so I’m going to wrap this up.  Perhaps if I think of more ideas later, I’ll add them.

I hope that you all get the opportunities to use your own special skills in your Craft.  Feel free to share any experiences you’ve had in the comments.

Blessed be!

)O(

 

 

 

 

Year and a Day Journal #27: March 15th, 2016

I’ve been living in a foreign country for about seven months now, and honestly, even though the first day I came was like navigating a minefield of people who didn’t speak the same language, now I often forget that I’m even abroad.  When I first arrived, I kept looking at people and seeing foreigners everywhere.  Now I just see people from my neighborhood.  It’s not like I recognize them or anything, but they don’t seem so strange to me.  It feels like this town is becoming, well, kind of my home.  My roommate and I go to the same grocery store all the time, or the same restaurants, and the cashiers and waiters often recognize us as the English-speakers, and sometimes I’ll even see one of my kid students walking down the street.  Just a couple weeks ago I was walking near the center of town and one of my little nine-year-olds ran past me on her way to music school, and she just said, “Hi, *Chloe*!” and kept running, her backpack bouncing around.  (Of course she said my real name, not Chloe, hence the asterisks.)  Really, this place is starting to feel like home, like I forget that I’m not in America.

Then sometimes my friends will take me somewhere or make plans that involve some sightseeing, and suddenly I remember where I am.  And that is also a great, valuable thing.

On Friday, I realized that I had NO PLANS for Saturday, which is something that is now becoming a red flag for me.  I know that I don’t have a ton of weekends left to do cool things in this country, and so if I have a day where I don’t have something planned, it feels a bit wasted.  So I texted my friend (who shall be called Oriole…you remember how I called my other friend Ibis?  Well, this friend is one of the most stunning people I’ve ever met, so I’m calling her Oriole, which is a beautiful kind of bird).  Oriole has been completely critical in getting me out and about in this country.  She’s organized most of major excursions that I’ve participated in; she’s set up weekend get-togethers and parties and basically everything.  I owe a lot to her.  So I texted her on Friday night and said, “I have a free day tomorrow; should we go to a museum or something?”  Instead of a museum, she suggested a walking tour of our town–just the two of us.  Now, of course I live in this town, but it’s quite a historic place.  So we decided on the walking tour.

Damn, did we walk.

We met up at around 11:00 in the morning and walked in pretty much a gigantic circle around the town.  We stopped a couple times to snack or rest, but we basically walked for about four and half hours.  She showed me everything–old buildings, beautiful woods, parks…things that I knew about or had seen from a distance but had never gotten the time to investigate.  She took me to gorgeous churches, to a little cafe, and even to her cat’s grave.  We really left no stone unturned.  And even though by the end of the day, I had what felt like a stress injury in my right foot (my winter boots are not really meant for that kind of walking, but I don’t have anything else), I was feeling that much more accomplished.  And that much closer to Oriole (I mean, you can’t visit a cat’s grave without really feeling something).  We can talk about basically anything, and for that–for finding a true friend in this place–I’m really grateful.

Now, this post is supposed to be Discuss Goal of the Witch #11: Exercise the body.  And, even though it didn’t seem like that was what I just talked about, it was entirely.  Oriole and I didn’t just get together and sit around her apartment and talk (we did that later); we got outside, got fresh air, walked for miles and miles, discovered new places, and came home at the end of the day feeling tired but accomplished.  Any Witch can tell you that exercise is important for physical health, but so will any doctor.  As Witches we see beyond the fact that exercise is for your body–it is also for your soul.

I think it’s easy to make a lot of excuses in life for why we don’t want to get out and exercise or why we don’t want to eat healthfully, and yeah, that’s fine sometimes.  And body positivity is a great thing too.  I don’t want to look in the mirror and beat myself up for how big my thighs are or for how round my face is.  But I also have to remind myself daily that self love is synonymous with self care.  No matter how much I want to be body positive, I can’t be entirely so unless I do put in some work, because without self care, my self love falls flat.  And vice versa.

I don’t need to tell anybody how lucky I am that I get to spend all this time in a foreign country–everybody already knows that that’s a blessing.  But I’m also incredibly lucky to be able to enjoy it in this way.  I love being able to put on my coat and shoes and go outside and see new things.  That is how I choose to exercise my body–I take it far and wide.

 

Blessed be!

)O(